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Warriors OC RP
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 Hawkclaw

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Happyhobbit
Apprentice
Apprentice
Happyhobbit


Posts : 36
Join date : 2013-11-06
Location : I don't feel like typing it.

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySat Dec 07, 2013 12:22 pm

Hawkclaw

My computer disables screenshots, but I can provide you guys with a link so you may at least get an idea of what he look slike. The picture isn't mine of course, it goes to it's rightful owner.
http://www.freewebs.com/icetalon96/Junglepelt.jpg

Gender: Tom
Current Clan: Thunderclan
Bloodline: He was born to Dawnfire and and Stoneroar, both of Thunderclan
Age: 40 moons
Clan position: Deputy
Appearance: has a very strong and muscular build
 Eye color: amber
 Fur color: extremely dark brown, almost appears black
Any markings: lighter brown tabby stripes
 Scars: the edges of his ear are rather banged up
Personality:
 Likes: patrols, a nice pile of fresh kill, his clan (Duh), being in charge
 Dislikes: kittypets, disloyal cats,can't stand the taste of crow
 Fears: prefers to make it look as if he is fearless, but is terrified of water
 Other: The deputy is fiercely loyal to his clan, but can be rather stubborn. He lives very strictly by the warrior code, and is known to treat outsiders extremely coldly, and usually without mercy. If it were up to him, traitors and intruders would be treated very harshly, as he has strong oponions about those who break the code. Hawkclaw has a very hot temper, and can often be made angry very easily. He’s very prone to acting without thinking, especially when he is upset or angry.

SPECIALS Stats: +5 for Endurance for Thunderclan…?
Strength: 10
Perception: 4
Endurance: 10
Charisma: 5
Intelligence: 5
Agility: 6
Luck: 1
Speed: 4
History: Hawkclaw was born to Dawnfire and Stoneroar in the beginning of leafbare. He was the only kit in the litter, and was apprenticed at six moons to Cherrynose, a small she-cat. He was constantly eager to prove himself, and one day heard word of a badger around the camp. The apprentice was excited, and decided he would prove his worth by finding and killing the badger, hoping to be made  a warrior. The apprentice left camp and started to smell it’s scent, and found the badger. Before he even had a chance to fight it, he was knocked into a nearbye river. He could not swim, and nearly drowned in the river. Another warrior saved him before he died, but ever since he has been terrified of the very thought of being in water, though rarely does he ever reveal any fear.

He was punished for his rashness, and had to wait even longer to become a warrior. The moment he became a warrior after his training, he was determind to make his mark in his clan.

When Hawkclaw was about 23 moons old, there was a battle between Windclan and Thunderclan after a disagreement, that had long been debated among them. It was during this battle that he was attacked by a Windclan cat, who bit his ear, and held on tight. He shook off the cat, but not before realizing part of his ear had been torn off. The past deputy was killed on the battlefield, so after the battle, and with a heavy heart, the Thunderclan leader chose a new deputy. The medicine cat claimed he had a vision from Starclan, telling him that Hawkclaw was to be deputy. With that, Hawkclaw was deputy.

Sample RP segment:  A Warrior or Apprentice from another clan is discovered on your territory, but is writhing with a sickness. Given your character's personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.  

The Shadowclan cat looked at the deputy with pleading eyes, as if begging for help. The young tom’s ribs were showing, and his eyes were sunken and sad, and had an odd yellowish tint. Some of his fur was even missing, what once probably was a glossy, soft coat was now coarse, and there were many patches of skin showing.Meows rang through the crowd of cats, some concerned, some angry, some shocked.

“ Quiet!” roared Hawkclaw. “ Why are you here?” he meowed, giving the cat a disgusted look.

“ Our clan needs help… our clan.. is sick… we have no idea what it is, and we need supplies, we need some place… warm to stay… and more of us catch it each day… “ the cat croaked, after producing a small cough. Thunderclan did have more fresh kill than usual, and their clan was surprisingly prosperous, for almost being leafbare, except for their leader. And he wasn’t about to ruin their good fortune just by helping a clan too cowardly to care for themselves. How dare this scum come and beg for help,  risking riddling our clan with disease. Typically, he would fetch the leader, but they had also been struck with a sickness, but at least he knew what is was. Yellow cough. Hopefully they would heal soon, even though they still had some lives left. Without hesitation, he shook his head.

“ You will find no help from Thunderclan,” he said coldly. The cat gave a series of hacking, painful coughs, and his look of pleading changed to one of hatred, as he dragged himself from the Thunderclan camp. Before leaving, the Shadowclan cat gave a halfhearted hiss, then padded away.

Acceptance


Last edited by Happyhobbit on Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:43 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Silverclaw
StarClan
StarClan
Silverclaw


Posts : 126
Join date : 2013-11-01
Age : 25
Location : Equestria

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySat Dec 07, 2013 10:13 pm

Quote :
SPECIALS Stats: +5 for Endurance for Thunderclan…?
Strength: 10
Perception: 4
Endurance: 8
Charisma: 5
Intelligence: 5
Agility: 4
Luck: 1
Speed: 4
Firstly, these all add up to 41. Without the +5 endurance, it should add up to 40. Then, you should have added the endurance addition to the already existent points. But, each category is only allowed 10 points, so move that around. For example:
Quote :
SPECIALS Stats: +5 to Agility for RiverClan
Strength: 4
Perception: 5
Endurance: 5
Charisma: 4
Intelligence: 6
Agility: 10
Luck: 5
Speed: 6
Quote :
there was a battle between Riverclan and Thunderclan over lost territory.
I'm afraid this doesn't make sense as RiverClan and ThunderClan territories are separated by WindClan and ShadowClan's according to the new territories after they moved. And according to the site story line, no cat who is alive now was on the journey from the old forest to this one.

Quote :
With Starclan’s approval, he was appointed deputy.
Explain this. Did the medicine cat receive a sign?
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Happyhobbit
Apprentice
Apprentice
Happyhobbit


Posts : 36
Join date : 2013-11-06
Location : I don't feel like typing it.

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 8:55 am

Oh, I knew I had forgotten something! Ok, it should be a bit better now.
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Silverclaw
StarClan
StarClan
Silverclaw


Posts : 126
Join date : 2013-11-01
Age : 25
Location : Equestria

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 12:49 pm

The only part that has been fixed is the deputy thing. The SPECIALS stats, yes add up to 40 now, but the +5 endurance should also be added to the category itself. Rule below
Quote :
9. The highest a stat for any of the SPECIALS can be is 10. If your OC has 6 or over in the category that will be gaining 5, remove the overdone points and add them to another part. Ex. Strength: 6. Add the 5 for being in ShadowClan. Strength: 10. Add the remaining 1 to another part, such as speed or agility
And the part about the RiverClan/ThunderClan dispute still makes no sense as ThunderClan territory is not next to RiverClan territory anymore.
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Happyhobbit
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Apprentice
Happyhobbit


Posts : 36
Join date : 2013-11-06
Location : I don't feel like typing it.

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:29 pm

Oh nuts, I think I get it now, thanks for clearing that up. I'll go ahead and tweak those mistakes. I really think I need to reread the series. Hmm it may help if I reread the series... yes, I'll get started instantly! Oh blaarrghh, I'm rambling again.
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Silverclaw
StarClan
StarClan
Silverclaw


Posts : 126
Join date : 2013-11-01
Age : 25
Location : Equestria

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:33 pm

Well you almost have it. Almost.

The highest a stat for any of the SPECIALS can be is 10. -This is the important part. Your Endurance points are one over.

Okay. So, first, take out the +5 and make sure what you DO have adds up to 40. After that, add the +5 endurance, but since it will probably be over 10 points after that, distribute the overdone points to another category, okay?
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Happyhobbit
Apprentice
Apprentice
Happyhobbit


Posts : 36
Join date : 2013-11-06
Location : I don't feel like typing it.

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:37 pm

Oh, I'm sorry that utterly slipped my mind! I'll fix that as well, I can't believe I forgot!
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Silverclaw
StarClan
StarClan
Silverclaw


Posts : 126
Join date : 2013-11-01
Age : 25
Location : Equestria

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:44 pm

There we are, perfect! ^.^ Approved
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Happyhobbit
Apprentice
Apprentice
Happyhobbit


Posts : 36
Join date : 2013-11-06
Location : I don't feel like typing it.

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:46 pm

Yay! Sorry for being such a bother!
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Silverclaw
StarClan
StarClan
Silverclaw


Posts : 126
Join date : 2013-11-01
Age : 25
Location : Equestria

Hawkclaw Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw EmptySun Dec 08, 2013 4:48 pm

Nah, it's fine ^.^
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PostSubject: Re: Hawkclaw   Hawkclaw Empty

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